


Wilt

by LadyNoLuck



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 14:26:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1986375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNoLuck/pseuds/LadyNoLuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck with only his own mind in his cell, Allen Walker thinks of Kanda Yuu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wilt

**Author's Note:**

> Today, I found this hiding in my old freshman philosophy class folder. It is from 2010, I think. I wrote it after reading chapter 202 (that's all I know from the old author's notes).  
> Enjoy.

I've slept most of my time here, if you could call it sleep.  Each time, it felt like I'd never wake up.  Maybe I'd lose to Neah, a man, a _Noah_ , that I don't understand.  Maybe I'd be dreaming of you.  Maybe I'd be having a nightmare of you.

_How are you?_

I wonder about that a lot these days.  Are you and Alma happy now?  Did you find out the truth yet?

_Do you miss me?_

I hope you do, but I have a feeling that I'm forgotten to you.  Alma was your lover from your last life, right?  You are probably thinking about her, aren't you?  So, there's no room for me or anyone else, is there?

_I'm dead to you, aren't I?_

You once said if I didn't die within my first month of being exorcist, you'd remember my name, but you always called me _Moyashi_ , bean sprout in English.  Then, that last time you met my gaze, you said it. You actually remembered, like you said.  That's the only thing that I hold on to.  When I think about you remembering something that seems so insignificant now, I feel like... I'm alive to you.

_What's my name?_

Recently, no one seems to know my name.  "Fourteenth."  "Noah."  "Player."  "Traitor."  "Devil."  Those names they called me, it was all the same to me.  It was slowly taking root in me, crumbling my heart, my mind.  If I was the "Fourteenth,” call me that, and kill me.  If I was a "Noah," call me that, and use me to learn the Earl's secrets.  If I was the "Player," call me that, and take my instrument.  If I was a "Traitor,” call me that, and punish me.  If I was a "Devil,” call me that, and send me back to hell.  "Allen Walker?”  Who is that?  Tell me.  Someone, please, say it.  I think I'm losing my mind.

_"Thank you, Allen Walker."_

Say it again for me, please.  I want to hear it, that forgotten name rolling off your tongue, verbalized by your deep voice, once more.  Please, I don't think I can win this war in my mind without it.  Tell me who I am.  I can't stand this.

_Once more, won't you?_

**_You are Neah Walker.  You are me.  I am you._ **

**Author's Note:**

> It appears like this was supposed to continue on. There were lines of internal dialogue following that last line and a page break, but I haven't been very serious in the fandom for years, so I felt like I shouldn't try to finish it. I want it to stay true to the emotions and feelings I had while originally writing it, so I took off the lines and only did little punctuation and grammar edits.  
> This fandom is near and dear to my heart, and I want to return some day, but today's not the day.  
> Have a lovely day!


End file.
